Why Do We Do What We Do

Why do we do what we do? What is it about music that drives us to work and work and work? I have a day job, I have a family to support, a few precious hours to myself every evening. It’s not always fun, or something that I have energy for, yet I still drag myself down here, power up the keyboard… spend long hours reading and learning about all these tools I’ve amassed over the last ten years of my life.

There are no acoustically treated walls here, only the hum of the air vents behind me, the white noise from a baby monitor in the next room. There is no audio engineer turning knobs, no contract promising lump sums when my next album is complete. In fact, my only claim to fame is a YouTube video of me covering someone else’s song. At the time I write this, it has 22.494 views, amazing to me, but practically nothing when compared to what is out there.

In the midst of writing a five year plan for my musical ambitions, I’ve found a greater issue to ponder. What would I consider success? What meaning would I find in this new found discipline? Why do I write?

Well, here is one angle. Music is a form of personal expression. It is something that allows the player to portray something that is uniquely them. Sure, there are critics, standards that we compare ourselves to, but when you are playing music you have written, no one can tell you that you are playing it wrong. There are no rule books when you use your own words, strum your own chords. Even if no one likes it, it is still yours to express.

Maybe because it is such a personal thing, something that comes from the heart, that we identify so closely with, it becomes the goal to find people who do like it, to find some kind of measurable success, some kind of recognition within a community of like-minded individuals. We all want validation, to feel like the person we are and, by extension, the things we create, bring some meaning into the world.

I’m an IT Help Desk Analyst. Chances are, if you brought me your broken Mac, I could fix it for you. Anyone else who has read the books, taken the classes, spent the time working in IT could fix it for you also. There is nothing unique I can do to your computer that someone else with the same training couldn’t do for you also. I’m sure this is true for all the musicians who find themselves counting the hours as accountants, doctors, construction workers, administrative assistants, pizza delivery drivers. They do what they do because it pays the bills. They play what they play because it says something important about who they are, something that transcends the roles they find themselves in. Those roles we slave so many hours of our lives away to. It only makes sense to dream of a role that is in line with what you feel to be true about yourself.
So I guess what I do because I imagine a life where what I do is in line with who I am, where what I have to say through music might also be my main contribution to the world, might also be the means by which I support my family. There are a lucky few out there who have found all these things falling into place. And I admire them… and I keep coming back down to the basement, firing up my gear, trying new things, learning about my equipment, hoping….